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Author's Comments
Please leave a comment, I appreciate the feedback.
View more poetry in my gallery. _ Winner of the easter egg contest hosted by *WickedlyLoquacious. Hidden Words - pastel - indigo - purple - amber - scarlet - peach - orange _ Did you like this piece? If so, please consider buying my book "Shades of Green". It contains this piece, as well as many other poems that I have written. Comments That's cool!
 -- If we can't laugh, then our enemies win! Thanks, it was difficult to write a piece like this. I'm quite happy with the end result.
 it's really cool how talented you are to be able to write a poem that makes sense, AND keep the colours hidden in it!
-- ~ love is a chemical reaction that causes delusions ~ It took quite some time to accomplish that, but once I saw the theme of the contest I was like "Oh, it's so on!" Sometimes a challenge can be great motivation to see how far you're able to push yourself as a writer.
 Intricate and lovely. well said
 -- Art is a step from what is obvious and well-known toward what is arcane and concealed. Kahlil Gibran Thanks very and thank you for the
 as well. yeah, that's a good point. though i can challenge myself and still not get better, lmao!
-- ~ love is a chemical reaction that causes delusions ~  This is so beautiful. Even with such strong feelings in here, it still manages to be serene.
-- Feuer und Wasser kommt nie zusammen Kann man nicht binden sind nicht verwandt - Feuer und Wasser - Rammstein - ~lindik ~haus-of-rammstein ~Richards-Emigration  I love the hidden colors in this poem and its so deep. Goodluck on the contest
-- ~Love is like a photograph...they both develop in darkness.~  With the kind of brilliance that was put into this, I'd be surprised if you didn't win. This piece, just like the rest I see, makes me want to keep coming back. I love reading your work. It's absolutely breath taking. You're an amazing writer.
-- rain flow to the roots rain drench my boots rain douse the flame rain forget this poet's name |
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Although `DEVlANT joined our community only a year ago, he's made sure to make his mark in as many ways as possible. From extensive bug testing around the site, to heading up the now infamous #devBUG Group, Martin's always eager to get involved. His inquisitive mind and enthusiastic personality is reflected in every part of the community which he reaches out to. Always eager to bring suggestions and feedback to us in a positive way, `DEVlANT shows a maturity way beyond his years. It's with great pleasure that we award very first Deviousness of 2010 t... Read More
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Critiques
I love how it begins in a romantic and nostalgic mood, and then darkens into something else entirely. It was a smooth transition, which sort of snuck up on me. Through a second reading I saw how it was purposely hinted to at the beginning, which I found quite clever.
I love the visual at the end: "Fragile girl. You hide under the mattress like a pea chiming in to disrupt the comfort of this adulterous couple." I can imagine this torn up girl hiding there, waiting to let loose her pain and rage on her betrayer.
There are a few spelling errors, and I only mention those so that I can say something helpful. Also, and this is just a suggestion, perhaps the word reminiscing should be used in place of romanticising.
I really enjoy reading your work, and I hope to critique more of it in the future!
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