There's always more
Author's Comments
Please leave a comment, I appreciate the feedback.
View more poetry in my gallery. _ Winner of the easter egg contest hosted by *WickedlyLoquacious. Hidden Words - pastel - indigo - purple - amber - scarlet - peach - orange _ Did you like this piece? If so, please consider buying my book "Shades of Green". It contains this piece, as well as many other poems that I have written. CommentsThis is so beautiful. Even with such strong feelings in here, it still manages to be serene.
-- Feuer und Wasser kommt nie zusammen Kann man nicht binden sind nicht verwandt - Feuer und Wasser - Rammstein - ~lindik ~haus-of-rammstein ~Richards-Emigration With the kind of brilliance that was put into this, I'd be surprised if you didn't win. This piece, just like the rest I see, makes me want to keep coming back. I love reading your work. It's absolutely breath taking. You're an amazing writer.
-- rain flow to the roots rain drench my boots rain douse the flame rain forget this poet's name |
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Critiques
I love how it begins in a romantic and nostalgic mood, and then darkens into something else entirely. It was a smooth transition, which sort of snuck up on me. Through a second reading I saw how it was purposely hinted to at the beginning, which I found quite clever.
I love the visual at the end: "Fragile girl. You hide under the mattress like a pea chiming in to disrupt the comfort of this adulterous couple." I can imagine this torn up girl hiding there, waiting to let loose her pain and rage on her betrayer.
There are a few spelling errors, and I only mention those so that I can say something helpful. Also, and this is just a suggestion, perhaps the word reminiscing should be used in place of romanticising.
I really enjoy reading your work, and I hope to critique more of it in the future!
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