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©2009-2010 `Cyantre
:iconcyantre:

Author's Comments

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View more poetry in my gallery.

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Critiques


:iconurceola:
The tone this poem will take is foreshadowed in the first stanza: "closed convenience stores concealed behind metal shutters." The businessmen speed through their lives and by implication, yours as well, "faster than the trains that carry them" The subtly beautiful women with smiles that you wish you could keep cross the turnstile out of your life forever. Even your aspirations derail before their destination. All that would be convenient, or food for life, or food for thought, are closed to you; you know they exist but they are closed behind metal shutters.
Blue-tooth ears and Blackberry fingertips is a gripping metaphor. As always, your poetry avoids the trite.
This poem is very different from, and yet teasingly reminiscent of Carl Sandburg's poem:
"I am riding on a limited express, ... Hurtling across the prairie into blue haze ... (All the coaches shall be scrap and rust and all the men and women laughing in the diners and sleepers shall pass to ashes.)
I ask a man in the smoker where he is going and he answers: “Omaha.”
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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Comments


:iconmxskai:
I really like your description of the businessmen, with the Bluetooth ears. I liked the juxtaposition of the busy people around "you" against the lost, meandering kind of feeling that "you" have. :)

--
~Fish
('> ){

"The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems."
~Gandhi
:iconmekisyo:
i really like this one! it has so much meaning and i can actually imagine myself at a station while reading this! great job! :'D

--
From that day onwards, this back has lost one side's wing. This world without you is nothing but a fantasy.

& evreybody gasped.

craigggg♥
don't question my authoritah D<

i is goin' down to southpark~~
:iconlorilae1:
Very well written. I can imagine it well. I always like that.

--
If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page. ~ Latesh Joshi
:iconkandy-demon:
lovely and very detail!!!

--
Like my avater? joutei made it so GO CHECK OUT HER GALLERY!!!!!

I LOVE XD
:iconbakerfield3:
Since I am a specialist for German not English literature I don't feel competent to judge your poems in detail. But anyway I like the rhythm. This one is my favorite. Especially the metaphors of the second verse are very felicitous.
:iconcyantre:
Thanks so much, glad you liked it.
:iconsteamby51:
now THAT is what is called good poem.

--
I am loco for the loco!
_____________.._
ll''' l_l_l_l_l_l_l_l_ll)' the soviet A-aundreev 4-14-4
oo OOOOOOO=oo\

THE LOST ENGINES OF ROANOKE ARE NO LONGER LOST!
ALL EQUIPMENT AND LOCOMOTIVES IN THE SCRAPYARD HAVE BEEN SAVED!!!
:iconcyantre:
Thanks so much. I'm glad you liked it.
:iconsweetsuicidallove:
Once again, I am back. Though this time it is not to warn you of art theft or to be kind. This time I am here to tell you that I have proof of your art theft and to let you know that if the stolen images are not taken down the next time you are online, I will report you to the Admins and you WILL have them taken down by force. This is a site for artists to post their own work, not for posers to do it for them. Thank you and good day.

--
Do you remember what a plunger looks like?

"How many countries are in the United States?"

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October 2, 2009
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